Strive for happiness, not worldly success

I had been thinking of writing something about this topic for several days now, but hadn't gotten around to it! Then yesterday, I received the shocking and extremely sad news about the sad demise of Sushant Singh Rajput.

This really got me thinking! How could a person who nominally had everything - success, fame, fan following, money, etc. etc. - commit suicide? And even more so when he had himself given such a strong message about this in the recent movie Chichhore, which I connected with a whole lot as it is set in an engineering school hostel? It just sounded unbelievable! And he was also a unique person in some sense! He was a National Physics Olympiad winner and got a good rank for the Delhi College of Engineering entrance which he gave up to pursue his more creative talents further.

We can never know what went wrong - may be there were underlying issues of depression, where he just did not see a way out and suicide was the only viable 'exit' in his mind, but we can of course never be sure!

Of course, one can talk about the fact that it is still 'taboo' to talk about mental disease, even in 2020, when in many cases having mental illness automatically means being 'lunatic'. It is indeed a sad state of affairs, which has been covered by several 'sane' and 'enlightened' people. So, I am not going to comment about it, but rather focus on another wider theme. One can also imagine that the situation caused by Covid-19, the uncertainty, the misery, etc. could not have been helpful and may have acted as the straw that broke the camel's back!

So, looking again at Sushant, one would imagine that he had all reasons to be happy, but looks like he did not see it that way! How could that be?

I am definitely not in a position to comment directly on what happened with a beloved movie star but want to bring forth some thoughts and opinions from my side.

It seems that apparently very bright and successful people can be quite prone to mental issues and depression. It is probably because they may be running after the wrong things, focusing on success rather than happiness. Also, your work, your success becomes your identity and when that 'falls', you fall straightaway!

Austen Heinz was a science geek who turned a radical idea—a scientific approach to laser-print DNA—into a successful company, Cambrian Genomics. A rising star in Silicon Valley, he was gaining media attention when the pressures of life started a downhill spiral that ultimately led to his suicide at 31 years old. His story is not unique!

It is easy to see that super successful (not just successful movie stars, but entrepreneurs, CEOs or other top level executives) have a tendency to go down this path. There could be several reasons for that:

• The competition is wearying - They are constantly comparing themselves to colleagues and other people in the field, measuring their self-worth by whoever seems to be more successful.
• Working all the time doesn’t allow them to focus on the simple things - They are consumed with their work 24/7, and even when they do sit down with their family, they may have a difficult time being 'present'. There is a significant disconnect from the simple things that give pleasure.
• They may feel detached from their former selves - If wealth or success happens suddenly, it can catapult them to a different kind of lifestyle, not necessarily one that is better suited for happiness.
• Privilege may make them less resilient - Sometimes when people have grown up with comfort and wealth, they don’t have the skills to weather difficult times. Often people who have struggled in their childhood years (like the class loser) develop habits that make them more resilient.
• The industry can tear them down - Certain industries like finance and technology or Bollywood for that matter - which tend to be fratty, boisterous, and young, not to mention extremely competitive - can contribute to depression, especially for the quiet, deep thinker.
• Their values may change over time - A certain emptiness sets in when you realize that you are achieving what you set out to achieve and yet you are still not happy. Sometimes when successful people reach an important milestone, depression is common because they are forced to reassess their values.

There could be one of these issues or multiple ones coming into play, but the key thing in my view is that we need to figure out what makes us happy. Bhagwad Gita says: "The Key to happiness is the Reduction of desires". May be that is one way of overcome the 'misery' and move towards happiness? A minimalistic lifestyle, just focusing on what you really need, not what you may think you want? I think the Covid-19 lock-down has taught us this lesson, and my good friend Shivani did write about this theme the other day.

But I think what might be really needed is true companions, true mates, true friends. This true friend could be anyone, a person who you can trust, a school mate, a college buddy, a work colleague, even a member of your family. A true friend is not one who repeatedly is telling you negative things other people say about you. First, they make it clear by their words and by their actions where they stand when it comes to you. Secondly, they don't just merely standby silently when others are tearing you down no matter what consequences they may face socially. A true friend is a friend when it is convenient and when it is not. They stand by you consistently both when you are present and when you are not. They're authentic and honest with you. True friends aren't phony with you. They show you who they really are. They're honest with you when it matters most. They never try to deceive you to make themselves seem stronger, more successful, or better than they really are. 

I saw a video recently which said that having true friends is the real strength, the real asset, the real money in the bank, the real measure of success, and hence happiness. When you are in trouble, true friendship will be your weapon. When you are 'lost', true friendship will act as your guide. When you are stuck in some kind of conspiracy, true friendship will act as your 'brain' to help you get out. When you are lonely, true friendship will act as 'motherly love' and be together with you. So earn friendship, not money. And if the desire to make and keep friends is your 'weakness', then you are actually the strongest person in the world. So may be this is what we should be striving for?