Empathy - the greatest virtue?
Long time ago, in a small village somewhere in America, a farmer, who had several puppies in the house from a female dog, put up a 'Puppies for Sale' sign outside his house. The next day, a little boy knocked on his door.
When the farmer opened the door, the boy excitedly asked him about the puppies: “How much are they? I want to buy one of these cute little puppies.”
“They cost $50,” the farmer said.
The boy's face fell and with a dejected look, he asked, "Please, can I at least see them for a while for this much?” And, he pulled out a wrinkled $5 bill.
The farmer thought for a moment and said kindly, “That’s alright. There’s no charge for seeing the puppies.”
He took him to his yard, opened the door of the doghouse, and called out to a dog. Out came a beautiful female dog followed by six little puppies nearly rolling down the ramp as if they were balls of fur. They were trying to match the paces of their mother. They quickly made their way to the fence while another puppy, noticeably smaller and slower, emerged from the doghouse and limped his way to his mother.
“Can I buy that one, sir?” The boy pointed at the hobbling puppy. “I promise to pay you $5 every month for the next 10 months.”
The farmer knelt down and tried to explain to the boy, “Son, you don’t want that puppy. Unlike the other dogs, he will never be able to run and play with you like you expect.”
But the boy was sure about his choice and said, “This is the puppy I want, sir.” Then, he stepped back a little and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. A steel brace, attached to a custom shoe, ran down both sides of his leg. He then said, “Actually, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands.”
The farmer was stunned. He told the boy, "Son, you can have the puppy. No charge!"
Why did the boy want that puppy? Because he could truly experience what that puppy was going through and would go through, since he was in the same 'boat'.
Whilst we all may not necessarily be able to have such a 'physical connection' to what someone else is experiencing, we have been bestowed with an extraordinary emotion — empathy. Simply put, empathy is a genuine effort to see the world from the perspective of the other person. It is as if you step into their shoes to see where exactly it’s hurting.
Empathy is often confused with a similar virtue, i.e. Sympathy. They are similar words but they are not the same.
The term 'Sympathy' was already in use in the English language in the 1500s while it was not before 1909 when 'Empathy' was first used. Sympathy is about showing 'care or concern', accompanied by a wish to see the other person better or happier. Empathy, on the other hand, is the ability to recognise and share the emotions of another person. It is vicarious and requires imagination, while sympathy doesn't. The sketch below captures the differences quite nicely:
Therefore, empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance ('sympathy') and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.
It is said: "Empathy is the greatest virtue. From it, all virtues flow. Without it, all virtues are an act." Empathy is indeed on the top, as from empathy comes true compassion and it is what makes us true human beings.
However, it is not easy to be empathetic. It does have to be a conscious choice, even if some people are inherently more empathetic than others. We all know some people who are naturally and consistently empathetic – these are the people who can easily forge positive connections with others. They are people who use empathy to engender trust and build bonds; they are catalysts who are able to create positive communities for the greater good. But even if empathy does not come naturally to some of us, I firmly believe that we can develop this capacity. It is because when you continue to practice a certain emotion as a conscious choice, soon it becomes your second nature.
Here are a few practical tips that can be helpful:
When the farmer opened the door, the boy excitedly asked him about the puppies: “How much are they? I want to buy one of these cute little puppies.”
“They cost $50,” the farmer said.
The boy's face fell and with a dejected look, he asked, "Please, can I at least see them for a while for this much?” And, he pulled out a wrinkled $5 bill.
The farmer thought for a moment and said kindly, “That’s alright. There’s no charge for seeing the puppies.”
He took him to his yard, opened the door of the doghouse, and called out to a dog. Out came a beautiful female dog followed by six little puppies nearly rolling down the ramp as if they were balls of fur. They were trying to match the paces of their mother. They quickly made their way to the fence while another puppy, noticeably smaller and slower, emerged from the doghouse and limped his way to his mother.
“Can I buy that one, sir?” The boy pointed at the hobbling puppy. “I promise to pay you $5 every month for the next 10 months.”
The farmer knelt down and tried to explain to the boy, “Son, you don’t want that puppy. Unlike the other dogs, he will never be able to run and play with you like you expect.”
But the boy was sure about his choice and said, “This is the puppy I want, sir.” Then, he stepped back a little and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. A steel brace, attached to a custom shoe, ran down both sides of his leg. He then said, “Actually, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands.”
The farmer was stunned. He told the boy, "Son, you can have the puppy. No charge!"
Why did the boy want that puppy? Because he could truly experience what that puppy was going through and would go through, since he was in the same 'boat'.
Whilst we all may not necessarily be able to have such a 'physical connection' to what someone else is experiencing, we have been bestowed with an extraordinary emotion — empathy. Simply put, empathy is a genuine effort to see the world from the perspective of the other person. It is as if you step into their shoes to see where exactly it’s hurting.
Empathy is often confused with a similar virtue, i.e. Sympathy. They are similar words but they are not the same.
The term 'Sympathy' was already in use in the English language in the 1500s while it was not before 1909 when 'Empathy' was first used. Sympathy is about showing 'care or concern', accompanied by a wish to see the other person better or happier. Empathy, on the other hand, is the ability to recognise and share the emotions of another person. It is vicarious and requires imagination, while sympathy doesn't. The sketch below captures the differences quite nicely:
Therefore, empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance ('sympathy') and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.
It is said: "Empathy is the greatest virtue. From it, all virtues flow. Without it, all virtues are an act." Empathy is indeed on the top, as from empathy comes true compassion and it is what makes us true human beings.
However, it is not easy to be empathetic. It does have to be a conscious choice, even if some people are inherently more empathetic than others. We all know some people who are naturally and consistently empathetic – these are the people who can easily forge positive connections with others. They are people who use empathy to engender trust and build bonds; they are catalysts who are able to create positive communities for the greater good. But even if empathy does not come naturally to some of us, I firmly believe that we can develop this capacity. It is because when you continue to practice a certain emotion as a conscious choice, soon it becomes your second nature.
Here are a few practical tips that can be helpful:
- Listen – truly listen to people. Listen with your ears, eyes and heart. Pay attention to others’ body language, to their tone of voice, to the hidden emotions behind what they are saying to you, and to the context.
- Don’t interrupt people. Don’t dismiss their concerns offhand. Don’t rush to give advice. Don’t change the subject. Allow people their moment.
- Tune in to non-verbal communication. This is the way that people often communicate what they think or feel, even when their verbal communication says something quite different.
- Practice the “93% rule”. We know from a famous study by Professor Emeritus, Albert Mehrabian of UCLA, when communicating about feelings and attitudes, words – the things we say – account for only 7% of the total message that people receive. The other 93% of the message that we communicate when we speak is contained in our tone of voice and body language. It’s important, then, to spend some time to understand how we come across when we communicate with others about our feelings and attitudes.
In the current times, we all need to be empathetic. It does go a long way in building beautiful relationships and truly uplifting both the receiver and the giver. So, let us strengthen that virtue within us as we move forward on this journey called life. Amen!
posted by Prankul Middha @ 3:33 pm
1 comments
1 Comments:
The process will start from accepting oneself the way we are and then accepting the universal truth that we are all one ascending from the same source with a common objective to lean, grow and become aware of our own selves.
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