Words

A dear friend sent me a quote the other day about 'words'. It said, "Eyes express the real feelings better than touch, touch shows care better than words, but words IF used properly can wet the eyes and touch the heart." Are words really that powerful?

The book of John in the Bible's New Testament begins with the following:

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind."

Thus, it was the 'word' of God that set everything in motion, which is what is probably known as the fundamental sound of the universe.

Similarly, it is said that the Vedas came out of a 'word' out of the mouth of Lord Vishnu, in this case 'Om'.

A word is definitely powerful, more so than a sword, even if the latter has en extra 's'. It can be said that words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Yehuda Berg says, "Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble."  Friedrich Nietzsche declared, "All I need is a sheet of paper and something to write with, and then I can turn the world upside down."

The book of Proverbs also includes several verses about the power of 'words'. Proverbs 15:1 says "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but hard words stir up anger." A bit further down, Proverbs 15:4 says "Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." Proverbs 16:24 announces "Kind words are like honey–sweet to the soul and healthy for the body." Proverbs 18:4 characterizes words as a life-giving force: "A person’s words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook." Further down in Proverbs 18:20, it is written: "Words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach; the right words on a person’s lips bring satisfaction."

We can't let ourselves forget how important words are. Whether it's what we say or what we write, we can't forget the power that our words hold. Words have a life-changing power. Your words can make someone fall in love! Your words can make someone heal! Your words hold so much power to them that it can ignite something in people and push them forward to pursue something that they always wanted to.

You can feel 'small' or feel 'big' because of what someone says to you! A kind word said to someone is everlasting! It has the ability to do so much good. Mother Teresa said, "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."

Therefore, be loving with your words. Be kind and generous. Your words could make someone somewhere realize what they've been missing their entire lives. It could bring someone to an epiphanic realization of why they are doing what they are doing. You can breathe meaning into someone's life with simple words. Can a sword have this much power?

Being able to control the words is the power to control your life. The Apostle James compares the tongue to the bridle in a horse’s mouth or the rudder on a great ship. He even says that the guy who can perfectly control his tongue is a perfect man. Your words can steer your whole life.

Bhagwad Gita 17:15 is tells us how to speak as our tongue is like a loaded gun we always carry with us.

It says:
अनुद्वेगकरं वाक्यं सत्यं प्रियहितं च यत् ।
स्वाध्यायाभ्यसनं चैव वाङ्‍मयं तप उच्यते ॥ १५ ॥

Translation: Austerity of speech consists in speaking words that are truthful, pleasing, beneficial, and not agitating to others.

You can build those around you up, or you can tear them down with your words. Your words are powerful. Your words bless or your words curse. Therefore, we should all try to build each other up, rather than bring someone down. And only words have the potential to do that.

We are also reminded to be careful with our words, especially if they are hurtful. Once they are said, they can be only forgiven, not forgotten.

Let us join today in praying to God to give us discernment that we can use the right words at the right times, because they are the most powerful force of change! Amen!

Kindness - that awesome quality that can change the world

The other day someone sent me a story about civilization and when/how it 'started' which was very inspiring. Years ago, the anthropologist Margaret Mead was asked by a student what she considered to be the first sign of civilization in a culture. The student expected Mead to talk about clay pots, tools for hunting, grinding-stones, or religious artifacts.

But no. Mead said that the first evidence of civilization was a 15,000 years old fractured femur found in an archaeological site. A femur is the longest bone in the body, linking hip to knee. In societies without the benefits of modern medicine, it takes about six weeks of rest for a fractured femur to heal. This particular bone had been broken and had healed.

Mead explained that in the animal kingdom, if you break your leg, you die. You cannot run from danger, you cannot drink or hunt for food. Wounded in this way, you are meat for your predators. No creature survives a broken leg long enough for the bone to heal. You are eaten first.

A broken femur that has healed is evidence that another person has taken time to stay with the fallen, has bound up the wound, has carried the person to safety and has tended them through recovery. A healed femur indicates that someone has helped a fellow human, rather than abandoning them to save their own life.

“Helping someone else through difficulty is where civilization starts,” Margaret Mead said.

So, the start of civilization is kindness - I got a wow feeling out of this!

One may ask what kindness is? Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. While kindness has a connotation of meaning someone is naive or weak, that is definitely not the case. Being kind often requires courage and strength.

We have all heard about survival of the fittest and Darwin. Survival of the fittest is usually associated with selfishness, meaning that to survive (a basic instinct) means to look out for yourself. However, that doesn't have to be the case. Research has now shown that devoting resources to others, rather than having more and more for yourself, brings about lasting well-being.

In my view, kindness is one of those virtues that brings us so much joy - to see a smile on someone's face when you have helped them is the most precious thing. A recent study reported on how people felt after performing or observing kind acts every day for seven days. Happiness was measured before and after the seven days of kindness. The researchers found that being kind to ourselves or to anyone else — yes, even a stranger — or actively observing kindness around us boosted happiness. So, we should all choose to be kind.

The purest form of kindness may have no audience and offer no credit. Kindness to accumulate thanks is self-serving at best. I caught parts of a movie by Salman Khan the other day - Jai Ho! While I must confess that I am not a big Salman Khan fan, one of the concepts that he propounded in this movie was amazing. The idea was that if someone tries to thank you and express gratitude for an act of kindness, you need to tell that person that instead of giving thanks, you need to carry forward this spirit by 'helping' three other people and in turn, they need to help three more people, thus creating a 'chain' of kindness in the whole community. What an awesome thought? Kindness does beget kindness. So, why not be the kind person from whom others take their cues?

It is also true that if you put kindness out in the world, it does come back to you. Let me share a story that I have seen a couple of times, just because it is so inspiring. A lady is being evicted from her house and she is being forced to leave immediately (her husband had left her, and she had no money whatsoever). Suddenly, a young man comes and tells the 'evicter' to leave her alone. On being told that only the owner of the house can make such a request, he shows a paper where the name of the owner is written. And lo and behold, it is the lady herself! Everyone is shocked, no one more so than the lady. Then the young man says that I have bought the house in foreclosure and transferred the deed to the lady. The 'evicter' had no choice but to leave and then the young man and lady have a beautiful conversation. Of course, the lady cannot believe why a 'stranger' could do something so 'massive' for her. The young man tells her of the time when he was out on the street as a boy, with nothing to his name. He approached a couple for help. While the man reprimanded him, the lady took pity and helped her with money from her rent pot. She also gave him her mother's necklace for good luck. That help 'kickstarted' the good times in his life and he eventually became a real estate businessman. He could never forget the lady and when he saw her name in the foreclosure list, he knew what he needed to do! He still even had the 'good luck necklace' that he gave back to the lady. What an amazing story! In another similar one, a restaurant worker who helped a homeless lady but was later kicked out for being too 'helpful' meets her back at the same restaurant when she had become successful and she offered him a new job. So, kindness does come back, but that should surely not be the 'reason' for us to be kind. In this case, there was a 'direct' repayment for a kind act. However, it may not be the case. You may never be in a position to help someone who helped you, but you should pass it on to others who you can assist.

Kindness is also lasting - a good deed done by someone for you stays always in your mind and can be uplifting even after a long time.

However, it is not easy to be kind. So, it is important to practice. Aesop, the ancient Greek storyteller, once said, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” If random acts of kindness don’t come easily to you, try this: do one small, kind thing each day for someone. Then pay attention to the impact on you. Does it become easier the more you do it? Do you start to notice and act on more opportunities to be kind in your world? Do you start to feel lighter? Kinder?

So, let's turn 'human being' to 'being human', because that is how the world will become a better place! Amen!

Love

The other day, while speaking with a close friend, I got reminded of my favorite part of the Bible - the first few verses in 1 Corinthians 13, a letter written by the apostle Paul to the Corinthians. It’s often read at weddings, as the relatively short section of scripture perfectly summarizes the power, characteristics and importance of love. In my view, they provide the 'best' definition of what true love is. I haven't seen a better description anywhere else.

1 Corinthians 13 reveals what those dictates are:

 “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly;

it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

Love is indeed special - between faith, hope and love - love is truly the greatest.

This description is what we call an 'Agape love'. Agape is a Greco-Christian term referring to love, representing 'the highest form of love'. Not to be confused with philia, brotherly/friendly love, this embraces a universal, unconditional love that transcends and persists regardless of circumstance. It goes beyond just the emotions to the extent of seeking the best for others. There are no emotional feelings in this Biblical definition of love. Emotions and feelings have to follow, as they are very much a part of our human nature.

It is the ultimate form of love - which can be described as being of four kinds (this comes from a book written by CS Lewis - he mainly wrote it from a Christian perspective, but this is very much relevant for everyone):

1. Familial love ('Storge') - This is for instance the natural love and affection of a parent for their child. It can also be described as empathy, and a desire to support and nurture the subject of your love, in this case your child. It is certainly the most natural, emotive, and widely diffused - It is natural in that it is present without being forced, emotive because it is the result of fondness due to 'familiarity', and most widely diffused because it pays the least attention to those characteristics deemed 'valuable' or 'worthy' of love - a mother would always love her child! However, in some sense, it is need-based, and that is why as children grow older, that bond may fray. So, we need to continue to make an effort to maintain that bond.

2. Friendly/brotherly bond ('Philia') - This is perhaps one of the 'least' natural of all kinds of 'love' as it is not needed/required, but in some sense, it is a higher-level love as it is freely chosen, not imposed. It can, in many cases, be very strong and really fill one with joy and happiness.

3. Romantic/Physical love ('Eros') - This can represent the love between a man and a woman, who become 'life partners'. It can be very profound, but can also lead to several 'problems', as we see in today's society.

4. Agape love - as described above. A love that exists in spite of changing circumstances. Each of the above three kinds of love may approach this one.

In my view, true love can only come when we accept that 'God is love'. We need to have a real cognizance of how 'loved' and 'blessed' we have been. No one has seen God - but we can have our parents as symbols and examples. We need to become the 'moon' to this 'sun' of love, and reflect those attributes in ourselves.

As humans, it is extremely difficult for us to reach this pinnacle. It is desirable - and that is why 1 Corinthians 13 is read at weddings - but a long journey! But if we can even inculcate some of these attributes in ourselves, our lives would be so much better - in my view, this represents truly the 'purpose' of why we are all here - to love, to serve, to comfort, to put a smile on someone's face when they are struggling!  Having true companions, true friends is the real asset, not any money, property, or otherwise! So, let us strive for that! Amen!

An alternative ending?

During the lockdown, old shows have been broadcast on Doordarshan! This has brought all of us back to our childhood in some ways!

One of them has been the Hindu epic Ramayana, the story of Sri Rama and Mata Sita.  The Ramayana (as composed by Goswami Tulsidas in the form of Ramcharitmanasa) ended a few days ago and has been followed by the Uttar Ramayana, representing Uttara Kanda, the last chapter of Ramayana. Herein, the story continues following the return of Rama and Sita from the 14 year vanavasa. It follows the story subsequent to Sri Rama's coronation as the king of Ayodhya. As Sri Rama's reign begins, a dark episode occurs, which is surely one of the most challenging and challenged parts of  the Ramayana, the banishment of Mata Sita! Presumably, this happened because a part of the public thought that Mata Sita could not be their queen as she had spent a year as a 'captive' of the demon king Ravana, and was thus impure! It is another story that her chastity was unquestionable! We all know what happened then - Sri Rama, putting his 'duty' as a king before his obligations to his wife, decided that Mata Sita could not stay in the palace as a queen anymore due to the 'complaints' of a section of the praja of Ayodhya.

I always struggled to reconcile the image of Sri Rama with this episode. Of course, he prioritised his rajdharma. But what about Mata Sita? And what about Sri Rama himself? I found my 'answer' to this when Uttara Ramayana was being telecast. To understand this, we need to appreciate the values held sacred by the prevailing culture that is demonstrated by Ramayana. The Vedic culture of the time considered all relationships and all positions as opportunities for sacred service - to God and to all his children. When Sri Rama heard the accusations being leveled against his consort, this situation constituted an ethical crisis. To resolve an ethical crisis, one needs profound wisdom to recognize the higher 'moral' principle and adjust the lower 'moral' principle accordingly. So, through this incident, Sri Rama, who was God incarnate playing the role of maryadapurshottam, an ideal human being, who was here (in addition to getting rid of the adharma that the demons were spreading) to teach us how to wisely resolve ethical crises. As an ideal husband, he was duty-bound to protect his wife. But as the ideal king, he was also duty-bound to exemplify and teach his citizens, whom he loved like his own children, the path to spiritual advancement. Ordinarily, people are very attached materially to spouse, children, house, wealth - that is very natural. So, the king is duty-bound to demonstrate to his citizens the principle of detachment so that they become inspired toward detachment and thus make spiritual advancement. That’s why Lord Rama considered his duty as an ideal king more important than as the ideal husband and so sacrificed his love for his wife for the sake of his love for his children (citizens). But he didn’t abandon his duty as a husband (even if it might be perceived otherwise) - he thoughtfully did that duty by transferring Sita from his direct care in the palace to his indirect care in the ashram of Maharishi Valmiki. Mata Sita, understanding the heart of the Lord, gracefully accepted her part in his sacrifice. I managed to reconcile my image of Sri Rama as the maryadapurshottam with what transpired here, which could have been seen as grave injustice against females (of course we know what happened in the Dwapar yuga when Sri Krishna, another incarnation of Bhagwan Vishnu, married 16000 women after rescuing them from the captivity of Narkasura - so here he showed us another great virtue, that of compassion). 

Eventually, she gave birth to two rajkumaras - Lava and Kusha. They had no idea of their identity and lived happily in Maharishi Valmiki's ashram. He taught them everything, and as he knew they were Kshatriyas - this included learning how to use weapons effectively. He also provided them many divyastras. He also composed the Ramayana and taught them music so that it could be presented as a song.

Time passed and subsequent to the Ashwamedha yagya when the sacred horse entered the ashram boundary and was 'captured' by Lava and Kusha, they managed to defeat the royal army of Ayodhya and also all of their uncles, Lakshmana, Bharata and Shatrughana. Finally, Sri Rama had to come himself and Guru Valmiki intervened before they could exchange 'fire'. Devi Sita came to know about this and it was then revealed that Sri Rama was their father. They were then asked by Valmikiji to go to Ayodhya and sing the story of Mata Sita with the intention of 'converting' the hearts of the people and again establishing her place as their queen.

When Sri Rama heard about what was happening and how the two munikumaras had enchanted the entire city, he invited them to his rajasabha. There, they sang the entire Ramayana and in the end, revealed that they were no one but the sons of Sri Rama. Everyone had tears in their eyes (especially after hearing what Devi Sita had to go through). I also could not stop my eyes from getting wet! When the next episode of the Uttar Ramayana (the last one) began, I expected that they will be warmly welcomed by Sri Rama and finally get the love that they had missed out on. But what did he say? He asked them for pramaan, proof that they were his children! They responded, somewhat incredulously, that their gurudev never lies. If he said this, then it must be true (and they had of course been told by Mata Sita). That was not acceptable though! When Rajmata Kaushalya asked Sri Rama about this, he again brought up his rajdharma as the paramount dharma that he needs to follow.

I could not watch anymore and left the room. How could these innocent children be subject to this? What about other dharmas? Why did no one say anything? Hanumanji could have interjected - with the eyes of his ananya bhakti, he had clearly seen that these children were sons of Sri Rama and Mata Sita. Why did Maharishi Vashishta stay silent?

I know what happened eventually - Mata Sita was asked to prove her chastity to bury this matter once and for all. She could not take it anymore and decided to request bhudevi to open her bosom and she went inside. Sri Rama and Mata Sita were separated for ever, in this incarnation (of course they are eternal companions). Lava and Kusha lost their mother.

I, however, have still not been able to reconcile this end to the Ramayana in my mind! May be, if I think about it, I will eventually understand what is the real message. But, today, I want to think about an alternative ending - where Mata Sita gets accepted by the people of Ayodhya as their queen again, and she rules, together with Sri Rama for a number of years, as their maharani. She gets sufficient compensation for her sufferings and her place is restored. Lava and Kusha have a happy childhood after all. Is that much to ask for?